i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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