Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
