Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
