does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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