and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
