Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize