I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
