This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
