I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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