I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
