the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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