I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
