i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
