Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
