im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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