Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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