I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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