You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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