Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
