No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
