Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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