A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
