i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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