smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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