have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
