Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize