Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
