There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We had to coat check the pizza.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize