I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
