i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize