apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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