Non-Jews are for practice
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
