you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
