Kareoke will never be a sober sport
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
