She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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