Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The adults are the big ones right?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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