I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
