Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
