btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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