Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
