I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
