Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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