standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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