someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
