my sisters under your porch take her home
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
