You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
