Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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