I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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