Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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