Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we're making bets on your personal life
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
