I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
