We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
