there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
