you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
