I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
