WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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