...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
