i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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