NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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