I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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