pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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