Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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