Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
