very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
