I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
