Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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