He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
