North Korea, Best Korea!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
