It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
