Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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