i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
