True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
