this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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