Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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