Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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