So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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