Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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