Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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