On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have demons in me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize